Shrek, but Shrek is a nigga
Jan 18, 2021 21:45:00 GMT -6
Conrad Dukes, Punished Von Brandt, and 3 more like this
Post by kinglightskin on Jan 18, 2021 21:45:00 GMT -6
Growin’ up, I always felt cucked by chaos. It’s a feelin’ of helplessness that comes as a kid just navigatin’ hardship and havin’ shit thrown at ya ass left and right. The older I get, I feel empowered by it. When you understand that you can’t stop it, you shift focus to learnin’ how to harness it and take pleasure from it.
Driver: City just ain’t the same lately. Ever since they decided to put everything on lockdown, it’s just been so damn tense. Honestly, surprised anybody would choose to come here. What brings you anyways?
Andre: Startin’ a job here.
Driver: Really now? What might that be?
Andre: Performin’.
Driver: Oh...a residency?
Andre: Yessir.
Driver: What are ya like a...musician? Dancer?
Andre: Wrestler.
Driver: Oh..
Muhfuckers are bad at hidin’ their own discomfort.
Driver: Is that the...one at Luxor?
Andre: Yeah.
Driver: Well...best of luck to you.
Nigga pulls up to curbside hard as fuck wit’ his eyes dartin’ ‘round the place.
His smile is real fuckin’ insincere too. My door slides open and his face turns white white. I grab my shit and step out onto Las Vegas Boulevard.
I find myself starin’ straight up into a pair of blue eyes wit’ the squeal of tires fadin’ off behind me.
Andre: Back up, bro.
?: My bad, bru’vuh, my bad. You know how we do it, gotta get it how ya can.
Dude looks legit gone and he’s right up in my shit wit’ no shirt and a gap tooth smile. He be grinnin’ from ear to ear and tryna push a cart of shit lookin’ shirts my way.
Cheap tie dye and low res roster pics. Among the faces on the left side is my own wit’ the name in bold font just below it.
ANDREW AQUARIUS
?: It’s that quality, man. Look at the-
He flips from rehearsed hustler to shitty improv artist as he takes a closer look at the front of it.
Andre: Yeah.
?: You lookin’ for a hype man or somethin’?
Andre: I can sell myself, homie.
?: Don’t even worr’e ‘bout none’uh that, man! I got you, I got you!
Andre: Go ya own way, nigga.
I hoist my bag over my shoulder and head for the entrance, still able to hear this muhfucker puppy doggin’ after me.
Andre: I’m straight.
Guard: You’re good to go.
Wyvern: I’m wif him.
Smh.
Concierge: Awh! Mr. Aquarius! Mr. Dukes is expecting you! I’ll let him know you’re here!
Andre: A’ight.
Wyvern: Yeah, bro, yeaaaaaaah.
I whip my head ‘round at this jivin’ ass nigga, his face still fuckin’ cheesin’.
Wyvern: I’m straight, bruh’vuh.
Concierge: Yes...he’s here and he’s got a um…
Wyvern: Wyvern Bayside.
Concierge: Wyvern with him? Yes….okay, I’ll send them your way.
Andre: Thanks.
I nod and head towards the elevator, raisin’ a curious brow at this goofy muhfuck as Grime plays from a small lil’, shit ass speaker.
Wyvern: It’s that new Stormzy shit.
Andre: Don’t be playin’ shit off your phone speaker in public, bruh bruh. That’s poor white folk behavior. Use ya misspelled shirt money and buy some fuckin’ Raycons or somethin’.
Wyvern: No war’eez.
Andre: So, what’s ya deal? Why Vegas? How long you been rippin’ off tourists?
Wyvern: I’m from all ov’uh, bruv. I come here for the same shit any’wun does. Everybody thinks its NYC or LA, but ‘round here, night time never ends. Everybody racin’ and I gotta go fast.
CONRAD DUKES
BPW PRESIDENT
Wyvern: What you meetin’ for if you got the contract already?
Andre: Dukes wants to meet up wit’ roster members before they start, some shit ‘bout makin’ sure they’re able to handle the current climate.
Wyvern: Primed and ready, mate.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Andre: What’s good?
Conrad Dukes: Please, have a seat.
His fingers lock together on top of his desk and he starts to study Wyvern for a minute.
Wyvern: Wyvern Bayside. Some people call me daddy. I’ll let you pick.
Conrad Dukes: Interesting accent. Where you from, Wyvern?
Wyvern: Your muh’vuhs pussy.
Andre: The fuck is your problem, bro?!
Dukes leans back in his chair, a puzzled look on his face as the dumb fuckin’ smile on Wyvern’s face just keeps gettin’ bigger. Him and Dukes lock eyes and the boss man cracks a smile of his own, burstin’ out in laughter while Wyvern responds with some of his own.
Yeah, go ahead and do the fuckin’ Shmoney dance while you at it.
Wyvern: Yeah yeeeaaaah!
Conrad Dukes: Excellent! The more the merrier! Now, we feel we have something special here in Black Pyramid, but it’s not going to be easy! This is a fast city, not everyone can keep up. Working here is even harder. If you’ve gotten in you, which we believe you do, then you’ll manage just fine. If it turns out that you don’t, Sin City will swallow you whole. You’re willing to accept that, yes?
Andre: I’m one’uh the best at this. It’s this city that should be worried.
Conrad Dukes: Good answer!
Wyvern: My client speaks fact.
Conrad Dukes: We’ve got you going out there week two against Juno Drezden. We’re betting on you big time with the co-main event spot. You go ahead though, get yourselves situated. I’m sure the trip here was long enough. Unwind a little. Just be ready to go when that music hits.
Andre: Conrad Dukes.
Conrad Dukes: Yeah?
Andre: We’re about to make a lot of fuckin’ money together.