Post by L. A. Blackwater on Nov 28, 2021 10:13:06 GMT -6
To my dearest April…
Where do I start? First of all, let me tell you that you are my world. For the best part of forty years, I have drifted through this world. Lost and without purpose, I was merely a weapon for hire.
I joined the Royal Marines when I was eighteen years old. I gave everything to the crown: my blood, sweat, tears… and my fuckin’ eye.
Throughout my distinguished career I believed I was a good man, I saved god knows how many lives throughout dozens of campaigns around the world. I also saw so many horrors, horrors that no man should have to be burdened with, horrors that still keep me awake at night to this day. It’s why I drink, probably why I live as carefree, even living selfishly as I do - it helps numb the pain and the burden that I carry.
I became even more lost when I was dishonourably discharged - I had nothing.
So I fell into the deepest, darkest work possible to man; I became a mercenary. A weapon for hire, I carried out the bidding of all sorts of monsters, from drug lords to nameless-faceless corporations who didn’t want the bloodshed to splatter onto their expensive suits. They needed an old, war dog to do that shit for them - and I did it, gladly.
I was angry with the world, it seemed to hate me and gave me nothing but pain so I thought fuck it, what difference does it make if I slaughter innocent people - yeah I did write that. If you knew half the things I’ve done - you’d want nothing to do with me.
I was about as far down the rabbit hole as you can go when I arrived in Vegas for the tournament. I was bored and was looking for something to do. The cash didn’t hurt either, I’d blown through much of the coin I’d earned through my work on all sorts: whores, drinking, anything and everything you can imagine. I knew Jobberwock well, myself and Von Brandt had worked together many times. I was sure I’d end up going into business with them rather than compete but crazier shit has happened I guess?
So what changed?
Well, the people began to respond to me, that actually felt good. You get no recognition in my line of work, no applause. Remembrance Sunday is about as far as it goes but then you have to be dead for that to really apply - I’ve been dead inside for many years, yet this broken down carcass keeps ongoing.
That was until I met you...
You are an angel who was delivered to me by God - or so I believe. I’m still unsure as to how I ended you by my side, I certainly don’t deserve it, a man with as many sins as I have should burn in hell for eternity.
But whatever the reason is for you coming into my life - I am truly grateful, it has given me purpose to live again - a second chance at life.
Do you understand the pain it caused me knowing you were taken and held captive? I can’t imagine the pain you carry, you still haven’t told me what they did to you.
I am such a fool, I was blessed to have been presented with a second chance, yet I was foolish enough to leave you in Vegas alone for myself to pursue my own ambitions.
I was selfish, my desire to become the BPW World Champion perhaps lured me away from you. I’ve never earned recognition for anything before, perhaps this was the time? Do I feel any recognition as I stare at this now disfigured title belt? I feel nothing.
Ultimately, I am back to where I was when I started down the rabbit hole, I am merely a pawn of yet another nameless-faceless entity. I hold no pride in being their ‘champion’. If I’d won the title in Vegas, perhaps I would have felt like the People’s Champion, the man who saved the locals from the Yakuza, the mole people, even fuckin’ aliens. But instead, this nameless-faceless entity burned down the city I began to call home and forced me onto this boat, becoming a travelling circus of freaks competing in the riches own version of Bloodsport.
I am no champion.
It wasn’t all done for nothing, at least Church was freed from that device they forced upon him when they crowned him their inaugural champion. We are both technically free men who could walk away, but I’m afraid that isn’t the case. If we fled, I would return to you with a target on both our backs. I know men like these, they don’t stop until they get what they want, and they hate being embarrassed - there is no chance in hell that they would let their ‘champion’ simply walk away. No, they’d come for me, for us - they’d destroy everything we loved, they would make me watch as they killed you. I know this because it’s something I would have done myself in the past.
I was naive; ultimately when I signed the contract to enter the tournament, I signed my own death warrant. I signed my soul over to the devil - like I had done many times in the past, but this time the ink is permanent and it will only end with my death.
They have two new stars in the making: Howard Black, who they are forcing me to compete against in a weeks time. Then there is The Golden Idol, their new toy, their new poster boy for whatever the fuck they have going on here. I wonder if either one of those two cunts knows what they are getting themselves into, who they signing their lives to. Church realises now what he has got himself caught up in, he is a million miles away from where he wants to be with no prospect of escaping insight. At least these two new stars would do what they are told unlike Church and me.
I know where I want to be, but I know I will never be able to get there.
I want to be your husband, April. I want to have children with you and retire off into the wilderness and start afresh. But it’s not possible, it can never happen.
I cannot live easily knowing they are coming for us. I already have too much blood on my hands, I cannot bear the thought of having yours on mine too.
I am pleading with you, please move on with your life. Find someone who can love you and care for you, who can allow you to live freely without needing to hide in the wilderness. You’re too special to spend the rest of your life in the shadows, you have too much to offer. It’s lonely there, it’s where I’ve been my whole life.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m intending to kill them all so that no one else can be harmed.
Perhaps only then will I have paid the toll for my sins.
I will always love you…
Yours forever
Lucas
