Return of the Mac (It's Actually Chandler, Not Mac) (vs. LV)
Sept 13, 2021 22:31:38 GMT -6
Conrad Dukes, thegoldenidol, and 1 more like this
Post by Mundo Kindo on Sept 13, 2021 22:31:38 GMT -6
Mundo Kindo is shoved into a large hotel suite with a few large, room-sized windows visible. He looks around for a bit before turning around to face his keeper.
“So Jason…what the hell is this?” he asks.
“Our safehouse. Don’t ask questions you don’t wants answers to.”
With a nod Mundo, walks further into the room, paying close attention to the large bed, the open scenery, and…the very obvious cameras placed throughout the room.
“Ah…”
“Yes. Ah…” Jason quips. “You’ll be watched much more closely given how easy it will be to get free. Not that you would have a reason to, but hey, The Boss is pretty specific about how you’re to be treated.”
Mundo, mask on his face, turns to Jason to give him a raised eyebrow.
Given his mask is on his face, Jason merely responds in kind.
“Hm…” Mundo mutters.
“Poetic. A man of words only when there’s something to gain,” Jason quips yet again.
“Truly a man of sarcasm,” Mundo responds.
I like him.
Mundo ignores me. They all do…
“Hilarious,” Jason deadpans.
He points to the nearby 60” flat screen plasma curved 4K television seated on the wall.
“The TV has the Ashes of Las Vegas match DVRed. Watch it, learn it—”
“Study it,” Mundo interrupts. “Yeah, I gathered.’
Jason narrows his eyes and scowls.
“This isn’t a game anymore. You’ve had your fun, fucking up our shows. This is how you’re going to survive. You might be a good scientist, but you’re a shitty fighter. Not to mention a shitty fighter fighting for the guy in charge of your life. You should take this seriously if you want to get out of this whole thing with your life. Or at least with whatever you’re fighting for.”
Mundo nods once, showing that he heard the message meant to be said.
“I got it. Thanks,” he says.
Jason waits a few moments before tentatively nodding.
“Good. Oh, and don’t be afraid to talk to yourself. The only people who would see the footage don’t give a shit enough about you to judge you for it,” Jason waits.
I’m fucking guffawing by the way.
“Th…thanks?” Mundo stutters.
Jason nods and exits the room. Once the door is locked with no key on Mundo’s side, he stares into the open banister ceiling.
“Fuck you too.”
Stop being shocked. Laughing loses its effect when I have to narrate myself actually laughing.
Doesn’t make it any less hilarious, but hey…
“Debatable. And highly unnecessary. Not to mention rude. Don’t you have any rules or lessons to follow as a narrator?”
If I did, I’ve stopped doing that shit long ago. Only being heard by a guy who killed a God-like being, said God-like being, an annoying but funny talking witch hat, and a bitchy, but persistent ghost kinda makes one lose all give-a-damn.
“Can’t say I’d know.”
You’ve never faced people as annoying as that?
“Well there was this group of kids who were hellbent on stopping me without knowing what I was doing. Not to mention this pair of young adults with a talking cat and…weird…blue…blob thing that wanted to steal my babies.”
Wow that’s pretty fucked up.
“It was, but probably not as much as you’re thinking.”
No, I gathered the context. I’m omniscient in case you’ve forgotten.
Doesn’t make trying to steal living things that are still technically babies any less fucked up.
“Huh…when you put it that way you make a good point.”
Why are people always so shocked by that…?
Look, we’ve got plenty of time to explore how fucked up your dimension is, let’s talk about Conrad. And your match. And your opponent.
“So this Golden Ido—”
In that order. Lavar Burton. Sorry, Living Colour. Sorry. Louis Vuitton. Sorry.
“You’re not sorry for that last one.”
You’re right. I’m not. That one was hilarious. Anyway, Golden Idol can wait.
Let’s talk about Conrad.
What the actual fuck is going on with Conrad?
“You’re asking the wrong person.”
Given you’re the only person that can hear me and you know Conrad more than a lot of people in existence, it’s safe to say that you’re the right person.
“In the wrong place, maybe.”
But at the right time. You’re IN, broski. Maybe not as IN as you can be, but you’ve probably got 40% penetration. Enough to make her into it, but not enough to get her going.
“What in the actual fuck…?”
The metaphor got away from me, but you get where I was going with it.
“I’ve got his attention. If I keep winning, I’ll retain it, but it’s not going to be easy. Ergo, how to beat Lázaro Vicente since you’re so keen on forgetting his name.”
It feels like a test.
“Elaborate.”
He’s giving you a somewhat serious opponent in the main event of his own show. He’s expecting something from you.
Or he’s using you to test Louis Vuitton. Maybe see if he’s legit or what his goal is here in Black Pyramid.
“What makes you think he has a goal?”
Everyone’s got a goal. Even the crazy Viking and cult leader dude has a goal. Chaos is still a goal even if its entire concept seems aimless.
YOUR goal is to get those crystals where Conrad can’t see and get the fuck home before he notices.
“Caught onto that huh?”
Unfortunately, that means Conrad probably knows too. Which makes him giving you such a big match even more interesting. I think he thinks giving you such a big match will lead to you facing Church for the title. Which, if that is the case, maybe the means no need to steal more crystals?
“You’re putting a lot of stock in a madman.”
I put my stock with you too, buddy.
“Grrrr,” Mundo growls.
Yeah, not so fun when it’s being narrated on the other side, is it?
“Focus! Louis—fuck, Lázaro Vicente! How do I beat him?”
What part of ‘you’re smart’ are you so keen on forgetting?
“Smarts can only get me so far. I managed to outsmart and pick my spots in a 3-way with three opponents, but this is one guy, one opponent, one match, in the main event. It’s not as easy as ‘taser him in the balls and then kick him in the face, then win.’ There’s more nuance to it.”
Is there?
“I mean…yeah? There has to be…right?”
Have you been following much of the show before you debuted against Von Brandt?
“I mean…I dabbled…”
And this is why you’re lucky to have me…
Take advantage of shit my dude. Even if DQs are suddenly a thing, the ref can be distracted or bought. I doubt anybody would give a shit if you suddenly stabbed a dude in an artery. Fuck, dude, a guy literally got torn in half last season.
Trust me, you can take advantage of things, especially when a guy like Louis Vuitton is as arrogant as he seems to be. Arrogance is a quick way to get a downfall, and I ain’t talkin bout Kyle.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Yeah, that’s probably too many references for you.
Point is: Vuitton’s an arrogant piece of shit. You’re not a very good fighter. Dude’s gonna underestimate everything about you and you can easily use that to your advantage. Plus maybe actually bring a pipe this time. Or a taser. Or a knife.
Or a gun if you’re not too squeamish.
“I made most of the guns here. Shit, I made ALL of the guns here.”
And?
“…yeah, fair point. Alright…that’s a…a plan.”
It is certainly that.
Mundo sighs and starts to take off his mask until another voice pipes in.
“Man you two really are stupid,” the somewhat shrill, female voice says.
Oh fuck.
“Shrill? Ex-fuckin-scuse me?” the same female voice rhetorically asks.
“Who…who is that?” Mundo asks.
That, my masked man, is—
“Heather Chandler bitches. Nice to see a new face, or at least a new wannabe-a-face-but-hide-it-cause-it's-ugly around here,” she says.
Yeah, no, I’m not dealing with this right now.
Mundo, you have a plan stick to it.
“Ah, fuckin wha—” yeah no you don’t get to talk yet.
Pretty sure Conrad’s got a plan. Don’t know what it is but play it by ear for now. You’ll…probably be fine.
“Man I just love that confidence.”
What do you expect? I’m omniscient not stupid.
“Fuckin debatable,” Heather says.
A blonde girl with a red kimono with white flowers on it floats in through the floor.
She’s also translucent and has some kind of blue liquid flowing out of her mouth because apparently that can only kill people so much.
“Choke on it,” Heather says, flicking off the sky where she thinks I am.
I wish you’d choke on that fuckin drain cleaner.
“Shut up Heather,” she mutters.
Fuck OFF Heather!
“Holy shit is that a ghost?!” Mundo exclaims.
“So Jason…what the hell is this?” he asks.
“Our safehouse. Don’t ask questions you don’t wants answers to.”
With a nod Mundo, walks further into the room, paying close attention to the large bed, the open scenery, and…the very obvious cameras placed throughout the room.
“Ah…”
“Yes. Ah…” Jason quips. “You’ll be watched much more closely given how easy it will be to get free. Not that you would have a reason to, but hey, The Boss is pretty specific about how you’re to be treated.”
Mundo, mask on his face, turns to Jason to give him a raised eyebrow.
Given his mask is on his face, Jason merely responds in kind.
“Hm…” Mundo mutters.
“Poetic. A man of words only when there’s something to gain,” Jason quips yet again.
“Truly a man of sarcasm,” Mundo responds.
I like him.
Mundo ignores me. They all do…
“Hilarious,” Jason deadpans.
He points to the nearby 60” flat screen plasma curved 4K television seated on the wall.
“The TV has the Ashes of Las Vegas match DVRed. Watch it, learn it—”
“Study it,” Mundo interrupts. “Yeah, I gathered.’
Jason narrows his eyes and scowls.
“This isn’t a game anymore. You’ve had your fun, fucking up our shows. This is how you’re going to survive. You might be a good scientist, but you’re a shitty fighter. Not to mention a shitty fighter fighting for the guy in charge of your life. You should take this seriously if you want to get out of this whole thing with your life. Or at least with whatever you’re fighting for.”
Mundo nods once, showing that he heard the message meant to be said.
“I got it. Thanks,” he says.
Jason waits a few moments before tentatively nodding.
“Good. Oh, and don’t be afraid to talk to yourself. The only people who would see the footage don’t give a shit enough about you to judge you for it,” Jason waits.
I’m fucking guffawing by the way.
“Th…thanks?” Mundo stutters.
Jason nods and exits the room. Once the door is locked with no key on Mundo’s side, he stares into the open banister ceiling.
“Fuck you too.”
Stop being shocked. Laughing loses its effect when I have to narrate myself actually laughing.
Doesn’t make it any less hilarious, but hey…
“Debatable. And highly unnecessary. Not to mention rude. Don’t you have any rules or lessons to follow as a narrator?”
If I did, I’ve stopped doing that shit long ago. Only being heard by a guy who killed a God-like being, said God-like being, an annoying but funny talking witch hat, and a bitchy, but persistent ghost kinda makes one lose all give-a-damn.
“Can’t say I’d know.”
You’ve never faced people as annoying as that?
“Well there was this group of kids who were hellbent on stopping me without knowing what I was doing. Not to mention this pair of young adults with a talking cat and…weird…blue…blob thing that wanted to steal my babies.”
Wow that’s pretty fucked up.
“It was, but probably not as much as you’re thinking.”
No, I gathered the context. I’m omniscient in case you’ve forgotten.
Doesn’t make trying to steal living things that are still technically babies any less fucked up.
“Huh…when you put it that way you make a good point.”
Why are people always so shocked by that…?
Look, we’ve got plenty of time to explore how fucked up your dimension is, let’s talk about Conrad. And your match. And your opponent.
“So this Golden Ido—”
In that order. Lavar Burton. Sorry, Living Colour. Sorry. Louis Vuitton. Sorry.
“You’re not sorry for that last one.”
You’re right. I’m not. That one was hilarious. Anyway, Golden Idol can wait.
Let’s talk about Conrad.
What the actual fuck is going on with Conrad?
“You’re asking the wrong person.”
Given you’re the only person that can hear me and you know Conrad more than a lot of people in existence, it’s safe to say that you’re the right person.
“In the wrong place, maybe.”
But at the right time. You’re IN, broski. Maybe not as IN as you can be, but you’ve probably got 40% penetration. Enough to make her into it, but not enough to get her going.
“What in the actual fuck…?”
The metaphor got away from me, but you get where I was going with it.
“I’ve got his attention. If I keep winning, I’ll retain it, but it’s not going to be easy. Ergo, how to beat Lázaro Vicente since you’re so keen on forgetting his name.”
It feels like a test.
“Elaborate.”
He’s giving you a somewhat serious opponent in the main event of his own show. He’s expecting something from you.
Or he’s using you to test Louis Vuitton. Maybe see if he’s legit or what his goal is here in Black Pyramid.
“What makes you think he has a goal?”
Everyone’s got a goal. Even the crazy Viking and cult leader dude has a goal. Chaos is still a goal even if its entire concept seems aimless.
YOUR goal is to get those crystals where Conrad can’t see and get the fuck home before he notices.
“Caught onto that huh?”
Unfortunately, that means Conrad probably knows too. Which makes him giving you such a big match even more interesting. I think he thinks giving you such a big match will lead to you facing Church for the title. Which, if that is the case, maybe the means no need to steal more crystals?
“You’re putting a lot of stock in a madman.”
I put my stock with you too, buddy.
“Grrrr,” Mundo growls.
Yeah, not so fun when it’s being narrated on the other side, is it?
“Focus! Louis—fuck, Lázaro Vicente! How do I beat him?”
What part of ‘you’re smart’ are you so keen on forgetting?
“Smarts can only get me so far. I managed to outsmart and pick my spots in a 3-way with three opponents, but this is one guy, one opponent, one match, in the main event. It’s not as easy as ‘taser him in the balls and then kick him in the face, then win.’ There’s more nuance to it.”
Is there?
“I mean…yeah? There has to be…right?”
Have you been following much of the show before you debuted against Von Brandt?
“I mean…I dabbled…”
And this is why you’re lucky to have me…
Take advantage of shit my dude. Even if DQs are suddenly a thing, the ref can be distracted or bought. I doubt anybody would give a shit if you suddenly stabbed a dude in an artery. Fuck, dude, a guy literally got torn in half last season.
Trust me, you can take advantage of things, especially when a guy like Louis Vuitton is as arrogant as he seems to be. Arrogance is a quick way to get a downfall, and I ain’t talkin bout Kyle.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Yeah, that’s probably too many references for you.
Point is: Vuitton’s an arrogant piece of shit. You’re not a very good fighter. Dude’s gonna underestimate everything about you and you can easily use that to your advantage. Plus maybe actually bring a pipe this time. Or a taser. Or a knife.
Or a gun if you’re not too squeamish.
“I made most of the guns here. Shit, I made ALL of the guns here.”
And?
“…yeah, fair point. Alright…that’s a…a plan.”
It is certainly that.
Mundo sighs and starts to take off his mask until another voice pipes in.
“Man you two really are stupid,” the somewhat shrill, female voice says.
Oh fuck.
“Shrill? Ex-fuckin-scuse me?” the same female voice rhetorically asks.
“Who…who is that?” Mundo asks.
That, my masked man, is—
“Heather Chandler bitches. Nice to see a new face, or at least a new wannabe-a-face-but-hide-it-cause-it's-ugly around here,” she says.
Yeah, no, I’m not dealing with this right now.
Mundo, you have a plan stick to it.
“Ah, fuckin wha—” yeah no you don’t get to talk yet.
Pretty sure Conrad’s got a plan. Don’t know what it is but play it by ear for now. You’ll…probably be fine.
“Man I just love that confidence.”
What do you expect? I’m omniscient not stupid.
“Fuckin debatable,” Heather says.
A blonde girl with a red kimono with white flowers on it floats in through the floor.
She’s also translucent and has some kind of blue liquid flowing out of her mouth because apparently that can only kill people so much.
“Choke on it,” Heather says, flicking off the sky where she thinks I am.
I wish you’d choke on that fuckin drain cleaner.
“Shut up Heather,” she mutters.
Fuck OFF Heather!
“Holy shit is that a ghost?!” Mundo exclaims.