Post by Tuxedo Max on Mar 9, 2021 21:41:05 GMT -6
Remy Nakamura beat the holy hell out of me at the last show, but my opponent tomorrow got it worse.
Zombie McMorris was tore up. Literally.
If the world were sane then one’d think I’d be winning my match tomorrow in the tourney by forfeit. However, the most recent money line has Tuxedo Max at +150 over ZMac, meaning the oddsmakers not only expect him to show up, but win.
And those guys seldom get it that wrong, meaning yours truly has a fight on his hands.
I’m the underdog against a winless irradiated corpse who may need to be brought to the ring by wheelbarrow on account of the fact last time he showed Corey Bull- who I beat in the Upset of the Year (™) I might add- Corey Bull split him up uglier than what Kim and Kanye’s gonna be.
Fuck my life.
Last week put me t 2-2 in the BPW tourney. It’s like starting over, except there’s a whole bunch of people in the lead. I’m going to have to make up a lot of ground between here and the end of the round robin. Not only do I got to win tonight, but I have to pray others lose.
Church, the guy sitting at the top, is not only undefeated, but since we’ve already fought I’ll need to rely on others to halt his momentum.
Chances don’t look too good for ‘Ol Tux.
On the plus side, I’m feeling pretty spry despite the curb stomping The Bayou Bushido or whatever Nakamura calls himself put me through last time. Must be building up a tolerance for the pain.
Or it could be the percocet. Been eating them like Chiclets the last week or so.
Again, if the world were sane I probably shouldn’t be admitting to that, but given the amount of drugs McMorris’s got in his formaldehyde I don’t think I need to worry about Ramses springing some kind of surprise drug test me before the right, unless to check to see if I ain’t pilled up enough.
They don’t care about us. We’re just meat for the table. Hell, wouldn’t surprise me if Dukes himself didn’t take a needle and thread and sew Zombie back together so he’d be ready for this match.
Don’t want any open spots on the card, and it’s likely too late in the game for any sane competitor to spend the fee and buy their way in.
And no, I don’t consider “The King of Las Vegas Boulevard” sane.
Dumb kid. There’s a time and a place to prove you got stones Jason, but competing in a battle royale where you’re more likely to get split in two than you are winning a trip to the pay window aren’t it.
Unless you got a good reason to fight beyond impressing your “crew” in the Order of Chaos, I suggest getting out while you can. Don’t make me call your people, kid. I’m Tuxedo Max. I either know everybody in this town or knows someone who knows them.
Enough about the DeFour (what’s that even mean? Is that slang or a move in ‘Battleship’?) King. The target I should be shooting at is Zombie McMorris.
Zee, you’re a tough sumbitch who’s been another chance apparently, and that would seem like bad news for me. And on one level it is. I won’t lie, Zombie, it would suit me just fine not to have to actually fight you. To just win and move on in the tournament. I’m not here to crack skulls or troll the rubes. I’m not a one man Order of Chaos like yourself.
I’m the exact opposite of you in his tournament, because see, while on account of your nature you get to ignore the rules, I’m stuck following them.
The big ones, I mean.
Cheating in the match? Yeah, you better damn guarantee I’m going to do that. Those cheers the fans had for me when I would not stay down despite Remy Nakamura damn near killing me? They were nice for the moment, but Scout’s Honor Zee I’d have traded them in for a chorus of hateful catcalls if it meant earning a Dub-A-You that night.
And the same thing’s going to be true tomorrow. I’ll be an absolute punk ass bitch if it means picking up the Deuce. I’ll Lie, Cheat, and Steal. I’m not even above a little bribery.
Very little, of course. Times are pretty tough.
Could I interest you in a Mint Condition Bobby Cairo Commemorative Cup from Popeye’s, perhaps?
See, that’s how desperate I am, ZMAc, I’m even willing to bite your schtick!
So yeah, there’s no chance I’m gonna play fair. Those rules don’t mean shit to me.
The rules I’m talking about? Are the ones you get to ignore on the reg because of your supernature.
Things like thermodynamics. Time and space. Economics.
The big shit.
You can laugh off those laws, ZMAC, because you are an immortal coked up madman. You got a goddamn cheat code built into your persona.
Meanwhile, schlubs like me have to live in fear about shit like mortgages and failing friendships and overdosing on Oxycotin.
The only thing you got to worry about overdosing on is your own frigging hubris, and even calling that a threat is stretching the truth.
Because really, ZMAC, what’s the worst that’s gonna happen if you let your pride get you in trouble? Hurt feelings? For you? That’s a complete nothingburger.
Me, I got a whole laundry list of troubles to deal with, but that isn’t a hardship in this fight against you.
It’s a motivation.
Imma beat you tomorrow because I’m the exact opposite of you: I live in fear except for my pride.
Because at this point, Zee, I got none.
Zombie McMorris was tore up. Literally.
If the world were sane then one’d think I’d be winning my match tomorrow in the tourney by forfeit. However, the most recent money line has Tuxedo Max at +150 over ZMac, meaning the oddsmakers not only expect him to show up, but win.
And those guys seldom get it that wrong, meaning yours truly has a fight on his hands.
I’m the underdog against a winless irradiated corpse who may need to be brought to the ring by wheelbarrow on account of the fact last time he showed Corey Bull- who I beat in the Upset of the Year (™) I might add- Corey Bull split him up uglier than what Kim and Kanye’s gonna be.
Fuck my life.
Last week put me t 2-2 in the BPW tourney. It’s like starting over, except there’s a whole bunch of people in the lead. I’m going to have to make up a lot of ground between here and the end of the round robin. Not only do I got to win tonight, but I have to pray others lose.
Church, the guy sitting at the top, is not only undefeated, but since we’ve already fought I’ll need to rely on others to halt his momentum.
Chances don’t look too good for ‘Ol Tux.
On the plus side, I’m feeling pretty spry despite the curb stomping The Bayou Bushido or whatever Nakamura calls himself put me through last time. Must be building up a tolerance for the pain.
Or it could be the percocet. Been eating them like Chiclets the last week or so.
Again, if the world were sane I probably shouldn’t be admitting to that, but given the amount of drugs McMorris’s got in his formaldehyde I don’t think I need to worry about Ramses springing some kind of surprise drug test me before the right, unless to check to see if I ain’t pilled up enough.
They don’t care about us. We’re just meat for the table. Hell, wouldn’t surprise me if Dukes himself didn’t take a needle and thread and sew Zombie back together so he’d be ready for this match.
Don’t want any open spots on the card, and it’s likely too late in the game for any sane competitor to spend the fee and buy their way in.
And no, I don’t consider “The King of Las Vegas Boulevard” sane.
Dumb kid. There’s a time and a place to prove you got stones Jason, but competing in a battle royale where you’re more likely to get split in two than you are winning a trip to the pay window aren’t it.
Unless you got a good reason to fight beyond impressing your “crew” in the Order of Chaos, I suggest getting out while you can. Don’t make me call your people, kid. I’m Tuxedo Max. I either know everybody in this town or knows someone who knows them.
Enough about the DeFour (what’s that even mean? Is that slang or a move in ‘Battleship’?) King. The target I should be shooting at is Zombie McMorris.
Zee, you’re a tough sumbitch who’s been another chance apparently, and that would seem like bad news for me. And on one level it is. I won’t lie, Zombie, it would suit me just fine not to have to actually fight you. To just win and move on in the tournament. I’m not here to crack skulls or troll the rubes. I’m not a one man Order of Chaos like yourself.
I’m the exact opposite of you in his tournament, because see, while on account of your nature you get to ignore the rules, I’m stuck following them.
The big ones, I mean.
Cheating in the match? Yeah, you better damn guarantee I’m going to do that. Those cheers the fans had for me when I would not stay down despite Remy Nakamura damn near killing me? They were nice for the moment, but Scout’s Honor Zee I’d have traded them in for a chorus of hateful catcalls if it meant earning a Dub-A-You that night.
And the same thing’s going to be true tomorrow. I’ll be an absolute punk ass bitch if it means picking up the Deuce. I’ll Lie, Cheat, and Steal. I’m not even above a little bribery.
Very little, of course. Times are pretty tough.
Could I interest you in a Mint Condition Bobby Cairo Commemorative Cup from Popeye’s, perhaps?
See, that’s how desperate I am, ZMAc, I’m even willing to bite your schtick!
So yeah, there’s no chance I’m gonna play fair. Those rules don’t mean shit to me.
The rules I’m talking about? Are the ones you get to ignore on the reg because of your supernature.
Things like thermodynamics. Time and space. Economics.
The big shit.
You can laugh off those laws, ZMAC, because you are an immortal coked up madman. You got a goddamn cheat code built into your persona.
Meanwhile, schlubs like me have to live in fear about shit like mortgages and failing friendships and overdosing on Oxycotin.
The only thing you got to worry about overdosing on is your own frigging hubris, and even calling that a threat is stretching the truth.
Because really, ZMAC, what’s the worst that’s gonna happen if you let your pride get you in trouble? Hurt feelings? For you? That’s a complete nothingburger.
Me, I got a whole laundry list of troubles to deal with, but that isn’t a hardship in this fight against you.
It’s a motivation.
Imma beat you tomorrow because I’m the exact opposite of you: I live in fear except for my pride.
Because at this point, Zee, I got none.
